The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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