I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
