we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
