he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
my being single is dangerous.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
