omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
