can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
