WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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