haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
