JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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