the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
