once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
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