Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
did you just send me my own nude
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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