do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
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I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
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Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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