I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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