I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
