I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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