Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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