We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
