After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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