Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
