you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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