They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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