My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize