I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Found your dick twin last night
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
my poor anus
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
