This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
