i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
