May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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