I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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