I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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