PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
