White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
