Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
