I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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