I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
