She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
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you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
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We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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