no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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