I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just invented taco cereal.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me