did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
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I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
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I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.