I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.