508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
