I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
