Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
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