Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
