This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
