Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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