I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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