i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
