Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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