If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
