you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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