My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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