and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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