I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
