none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
