this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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