I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize