found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
