Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
