There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
