youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
