i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Randomize
