I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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