porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Buhtt sex?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Randomize
