idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
