Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
