i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
