I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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