I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
