Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
