Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Randomize
