Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
