Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
