Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
