My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
